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Why Introverts Maintain Deeper Friendships, From A Social Scientist

Author:

Hannah Frye

December 23, 2023

Assistant Beauty & Health Editor

By Hannah Frye

Assistant Beauty & Health Editor

Hannah Frye is the Assistant Beauty Editor at mindbodygreen. She has a B.S. in journalism and a minor in women’s, gender, and queer studies from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. Hannah has written across lifestyle sections including health, wellness, sustainability, personal development, and more.

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Image by BONNINSTUDIO / Stocksy

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I don’t know about you, but I feel like introverts are often given a bad social rap. The general attitude is that extroverts are just better at relationships and community, whereas introverts struggle. For the record, that assumption could not be more false.

Social scientist, author, and professor Arthur Brooks, Ph.D. agrees: As he shares on a recent episode of the mindbodygreen podcast, oftentimes introverts actually have the leg up when it comes to deep connections. Allow him to explain.

Do introverts make deeper friendships?

Introverts have a special talent, says Brooks: creating deep, lasting connections beyond family and romance.

“Introverts tend to do better [at] maintaining real friendships as life gets complicated," he notes. See, rather than embracing everyone around them, "introverts are really good at deep loving friendships with two or three people,” he adds.

Extroverts, on the other hand, make friendships with ease, given their more outgoing nature. But as Brooks notes, they may be "always looking for fresh meat," meaning they may have less time and energy to invest in their deeper relationships.

Now, this doesn’t mean that extroverts are flakey or bad friends; it just means they may have an easier time making new connections and find it more challenging tending to the friendships they have over time. It's just a natural part of the personality type Brooks has noticed over the years, and it's not a bad thing!

But given the emerging research on close friendships and happiness, longevity, and physical health 1, it might be worth taking a page out of the introverts' playbook here. Brooks (an extrovert himself) shares he likes to take inspiration from the introverts in his life when it comes to deepening relationships; we can all learn from each other.

How to maintain & deepen your friendships

The assignment: Water your "friendship plants." This directive looks different for each person and each friendship, but here are some basic tips to help brainstorm your next move, especially if you’re an extrovert who struggles in this area:

Call your friends: Don’t have time to hang out this week? A quick 10-minute phone call or weekly catch-up can help you stay connected, even when your schedule is packed.
Make easy plans: Whether it’s coffee, drinks, dinner, or just a walk in the park, make simple plans with your friends that foster opportunities for deep conversations. These events are often easier to stick to than extravagant itineraries.
Go to social events together: As an extrovert, you probably have some kind of large gathering on the calendar, so why not bring a close friend? You can grab dinner or travel together beforehand for some one-on-one time before or after the event.

This is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of ways to deepen a friendship. To be fair, making friendships isn’t easy for many people, both introverted and extroverted alike, so give yourself grace in the process if you’re met with some hurdles.

The takeaway

According to Brooks, introverts tend to have an easier time maintaining deep relationships, compared to extroverts who often find it easier to make new friends. For both parties, putting time and effort into existing connections is certainly energy well spent. For more on the "macronutrients" of happiness (connection included) tune into the full episode below!