Online dating—aka meeting people through dating apps and websites—can feel like an overwhelming, chaotic mess when you jump in for the first time, and it can be disappointing when you don't connect with anyone right away. But trust the process: Committed couples are meeting each other online all the time these days, and as many as a third of U.S. marriages start online now. So it's worth giving it the ol' college try.

The first key to successful online dating is picking the best dating app or dating site that’s most suited to what you’re looking for. Different dating apps cater to different kinds of people. One major mistake people make is trying to join too many dating sites all at the same time, which can quickly become overwhelming and make it harder to engage fully on any of them—which will likely lower your success rate. So, pick one dating app and stick to it for a good amount of time before moving on to others if desired.

Online dating works best when you actually know what you're looking for. Are you interested in finding a committed relationship? Or are you more interested in casual dating and sex? Or maybe you're just looking to meet interesting new people?

Put some thought into your profile! If you're mostly looking for fun and laughs, a short and witty profile might be perfect. If you're looking for a deeper connection with someone, write a longer and more thoughtful profile that showcases who you are, what you like to do and think about, and what kind of person you want to invite into your life.

It's good to have a variety of photos of yourself on your dating profile. Make sure your face is clearly visible, and don't make the first photo a group shot where it's not clear which person is you. Smiling photos tend to appeal to most people—it makes you seem approachable and fun. If possible, showcase some of your personality in the photos too: a shot of you laughing, a shot of you outdoors if you love nature, or a shot of you in PJs with a decaf coffee if that's your ideal Friday night.

People can sometimes be shy when they first start online dating, not wanting to send any messages out or respond to any of the messages that come in. But you're not going to meet anyone until you actually engage. Sending someone a message does not mean you automatically want to date them; think of it more like starting a conversation with the stranger sitting next to you at the coffee shop.

If someone doesn't respond to your first message or two, leave them alone. They probably haven't checked the app and will see your messages when they get back on, or they've seen your messages and simply aren't interested. Respect their time and accept their rejection.

Some people struggle to turn people down and end up getting lost in endless conversations with a bunch of people, all of whom they feel lukewarm about. This isn't productive either—it can lead to what Milrad calls dating app burnout, where you're sinking a ton of time and energy into the process, talking to a million people at once, and not really deeply connecting with a single one of them.

Let people get to know you! Get into real conversations with people, ask them about their lives, and tell them about yours. Authenticity and vulnerability are what will help you form real relationships.

People can get trapped in an endless text conversation that goes on and on for weeks, never moving it into real life or waiting so long to go on the date that it puts unnecessary pressure on it to go perfectly. It's also easy to sink weeks into texting and messaging someone regularly only to realize there's no chemistry in person when you finally go on the date.

"You want to be face-to-face with someone as quickly as possible. That's how you figure out physical attraction and body language," former eHarmony CEO Grant Langston once told mbg. "You're not here for a pen pal. Once you've figured that out, just go and have that cup of coffee or go on that walk."

Once you've been going on dates and talking to someone for a while, start having conversations to define the relationship. That doesn't mean you need to immediately jump into an exclusive commitment; it just means talking openly about why you're spending time together and how you each see the relationship progressing.

This can certainly be scary, but it'll save you from sinking time into something that you see as a potential relationship when the other person is not on the same page (or vice versa). In general, dating tends to be more successful when people are willing to be vulnerable, says sexologist and sex coach Gigi Engle.

These things take time. You might not meet someone for your first couple months of online dating, and that's OK. There's a whole culture around dating apps that might take some time for you to adjust to, and if you haven't dated in a while, dating itself is a process that takes some time to warm and ease into. Be patient, keep engaging, and stay positive. If you need to take a break for some time, do that and come back when you're ready to dive in again.

And don't forget to have fun! That's what dating's all about.

Yes, it’s absolutely possible to online date safely and meet up with someone you met on a dating site as long as you take reasonable safety precautions. Safety precautions include always meeting for dates in a public place, letting a friend know where and when you’re meeting, protecting your personal and financial information, and generally screening your matches carefully before choosing to meet up.

At the same time, meeting up with a potential match early on is usually the fastest way to know if you’re dealing with a fraudulent profile (because fake accounts and scammers will always make excuses to avoid meeting up in person while still trying to get close enough to you to get you to send them money).

While that all might sound a little unnerving, know that online dating has becoming incredibly mainstream today. A 2023 report from the Pew Research Center found 30% of all U.S. adults have used a dating site or app before, with that number jumping up to 53% among those ages 18-29 and 37% among those ages 30-49. One in 10 adults who are currently married or in a serious relationship met their partner on a dating site or app. Among those under age 30, that number jumped to one in five.

The best way to start a conversation on a dating app or site is to read the person’s profile and then send them a message commenting on something specific in their profile, whether it’s compliment on something specific in one of their photos, making a joke about a goofy interest they listed, or asking an open-ended question to glean more information.

The real trick to online dating is creating a high-quality dating profile that’s an authentic representation of who you are (good photos, detailed information about your life and interests, and what someone can expect dating you) and then showing up to the app consistently.

Send out thoughtful, personalized messages to the people you’re interested in (not copy-pasted one-liners), and be warm and engaging.

From there, be patient and let the right person find you. Release your expectations, don’t expect results right away, and enjoy the process.